Relationships – Stacey Joseph Harris

This thought has been circling in my brain for a while now and I couldn’t wait to share it with you.

If you’re the big fish in your pond, it’s time to look for the ocean. Click to tweet. Our circle of friends, associates and colleagues can become a comfortable place over time. Every now and then we need to evaluate our circle. Are we being challenged to grow? Are the conversations provoking us to change? Are we being inspired by the daring moves the people in our circle are making? Are we being held accountable for the goals that we have set? Is there a healthy exchange when something good happens for anyone in the group? Let’s be clear, this is not about getting rid of everyone in your life. That would be immature. We need people. But, it is about performing an x-ray on your circle of influence. These are the people that get the first look at your personal development, decisions, and next steps. It’s critical.

I know that some of us have been taught to keep our circles small and by default we have made the doorway to the center of ourselves narrow. While, I understand the logic to a certain degree; I also, see the gaps in the theory. Sometimes it’s extremely crucial to open the door wide to allow the people you NEED in your life to enter. It can be intimidating and awkward at first, but it gets better.

The first time you’re in a conversation with a known millionaire and you haven’t earned six figures yet, it’s likely to be very uncomfortable. Some of the dialogue may be over your head. You may start to doubt why you’re even in the room. By the second or third conversation, you’ve had time to google a few of the terms….it’s still awkward but you’ll start to feel like if they can be a millionaire, then perhaps you can too! That’s the beauty of the ocean. Ocean swimming can be intimidating, even for a skilled swimmer. The ocean is a place for big fish. You’ll never find a marlin twirling around on the shore. You’ll have to go to where they are. This is called deep water fishing and it only happens in the ocean.

Success thrives in open spaces. You must be open to experience something new. Click to tweet. New people. New conversations. New experiences. New connections. New thought patterns. New business models. You will be challenged. Some of the new influencers in your life may question some of your choices and challenge you to think bigger. Quite frankly, these are the types of people that you want in your circle. Jim Rohn said it this way, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” If you are always giving, giving and giving and the people are always taking, taking, taking……it’s not a friendship….it’s a transaction. You’re an ATM. (Automated Teller Machine) They are automatically telling you what to do. It’s time to survey your circle.

Pull out your journal and answer these questions.

Who are your top 5?

What is their contribution to your life?

What value do you give to their life?

Do they challenge you to be better?

Are they excited when you win?

Do you gain inspiration from the decisions that they make regarding their life?

Now, examine your answers and determine if it’s time to find the ocean?

In my next blog, I’ll talk a little more about the types of people I believe that everyone should have in their circle. My answer may surprise you.

It’s time to take a deep dive. You were made for big waves. The ocean awaits you.

Your friend and coach,

Stacey Joseph Harris

When I was a little girl, I can recall giving my kindergarten teacher a gift. I made it. It included a handwritten letter inside a box. At five years old, I believed that my teacher was the smartest person on the planet. She knew more than me and my mom. Looking back, I’m not surprised that I became a teacher, because I’ve been fascinated with these super humans for a long time now. Auntie Mommie told me later on that my teacher told her that my gifts always moved her to tears. She couldn’t believe that I was so thoughtful at five.

In all fairness, my aunt who raised me, was the perfect picture of generosity. She was always giving to others in some way. She remember birthdays and they were always accompanied by a card and your favorite thing. Her generosity made you feel special, loved and remembered. That’s powerful.

Over the years, I’ve taken on some of her traits. I remember; and I want the people closest to me to know that they are always on my mind and in my heart. So, I give. 🙂

Giving always gives back to you. While you may gift a cool coffee mug to a coworker, because you noticed that she dropped her favorite mug in the break room the day before, you may not get a coffee mug back as a thank you. But, you may experience the warmth of her smile and sincere appreciation to you because you thought to give her an unexpected gift. You may actually receive MORE from the experience than the recipient. This has happened to me so many times. It makes giving so special.

Giving replaces selfishness. It’s so easy to be consumed with your life, your needs and your desires. When you choose to give to others, suddenly your “stuff” takes a back seat to your desire to bring goodness to another person. It’s selfless not self serving. Each gift builds relationship equity and creates a gateway for love in its purest form to flow to others and back to you.

Giving doesn’t have to include money. Yes, I believe that generally we are all okay pocketing a little more cash or receiving tangible gifts, but the intangibles in many ways become the most valuable. For example, lending your ear and your time to a friend who needs to vent and a safe place to share is a gift. Offering to babysit for a single mom on a Saturday is a gift. Giving encouragement and mentoring to a high school student is a gift. There are so many ways that you can give to others. This list can go on for days.

Generosity awakens your heart to its true purpose. We were made to love and be loved. We were made to give.

This season and beyond, open up your life to those around you. Give them the best of you….give and give some more.

Your friend,